Baggage

 

I'm not someone who is easily given to fear. I don't brag about that or think I'm better than anyone else, but I've just never really struggled with anxiety and fear. About the only thing you can really find that I have a fear of are wasps swarming around my head (a story in itself), and somewhat of heights. But, in daily life, there has been very little that has any kind of fear hold on me.

Which is why its strange that last night my heart was overwhelmed with fear...fear of losing love, of living alone to the point of not being able to stop the tears. What's even stranger about this is that I KNOW that nothing can separate me from the Source of love, and living alone has never been a problem for me. It is true that I've struggled with loneliness, but that can occur whether one is living alone or in a houseful of people.

Unable to sleep, I got up and fixed myself some Sleepytime tea, added in a little magnesium for its relaxing effect, then settled into the corner of the couch with Jesus. And, He said to me, don't fear this. I said, okay, and it was done.

Best I can tell, something triggered memories from the painful past and caused me to consider and be convinced that what I was feeling was real. I don't completely understand it, but after that I slept solid. It's weird how distant memories can surface, and how it can be as if we are right back in that place again, reliving hours and days and months...all in the flash of a few seconds or minutes.

We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity. 2 Corinithians 10: 4-6

Telling myself the truth, the things I DO know, and bringing fears into the light by confessing them to Jesus is my goal. "Perfect love casts out fear..." And, LORD, your love is perfect.